Season of the Witch…

On my iPod this morning. Seemed appropriate somehow with Mom’s birthday approaching. Listened to it once then dialed it back in again while I stood on my head after working out.

“You’ve got to pick up every stitch, the rapids runnin’ in the ditch, must be the season of the witch.”

Found this version on YouTube, it’s a little different than the one I’ve got but you get the idea.

Also have an amaryllis about to bloom that will probably be in full bloom by Tuesday.

P.S.

I did get the box Tina sent. Should I open and wash anything or just take as is?

Playing Catch Up

Whoa!

I see it has been a while since I posted. After I talked with Tina, mentioned in last post, I want to clear up a few misconceptions she had of the conversation as related in an email to Cherie and accidentally forwarded to me. Have you girls not figured that out yet?

“caught wen driving home from mom’s
at one pt she wanted to get off but didnt”

There was a traffic situation emerging which resolved itself. If I wanted to get off, I probably wouldn’t have answered.

Later re: Amber’s report:

asked Wen about all this – is mom in bed, etc. cracked feet etc.
she downplayed most – she said Amber always wanted to get mom into hospice !
i asked if we should … thinking its a good sign
wen went off about no - she just revived last time, etc.
she calmed down – said no hospice – i said remember we were going to change companies, etc..  she still said no we are not there…. 

I wouldn’t really describe what I did as “went off” but I was adamant that we do not want a repeat of the nightmare that Hospice turned out to be. They moved a bunch of crap into her room, changed beds, wheelchairs, etc. Lost the leg pieces of her old wheelchair which have just recently resurfaced. They did visit and read to her and pray with her, but as I tried to describe to Tina, hospice is no longer strictly and end-of-life deal. They use it ALL THE TIME to keep them alive and the checks rolling in as long as possible. In the over four years that Mom has been there, I have had many conversations with others whose parental units are incarcerated there and they all seem to agree that the focus has shifted.

As fas as a different company goes, the reviving results would probably be the same. If Tina does decide to go with hospice, for some reason wanting to keep Mom alive as long as possible, then she can take the lead with moving all the stuff in, rearranging Mom’s whole room, dealing with the people, meeting with them, trying to describe Mom’s situation so they can best deal with her… And then, in six months, when Mom graduates, she can meet the equipment people on their own loose timetable, move all the stuff out, deal with Sunrise transition, set up the old bed, rearrange everything, etc.

Repeat: Sunrise LOVES hospice, since their workload is cut and they still get all the money. It’s a no-brainer on their part, and serves the one and only purpose of keeping them alive.  I also should have learned by now to not recommend anything to Tina, even when she asks. It seems like whenever I do, she ends up doing the opposite.  Example: Hospice company I researched and recommended based on people’s experiences there. She picks another one without even making any phone calls. So, done.

Of course, I just did it again. The recommending. When will I learn?

Then from a follow-up email:

“do you go in her closet and check for clean cloths (smell test) ?  one time i found a pile and washed them in the evening while i was there.  you could report them to caretakers and ask for action if needed. 

one time i went and she was wearing someone else’s night gown so someone else had her good ones or they had to trash it – please let me know when she needs something critical like gowns, etc.  blah blah blah”

 

Normally, I do not check her closets. If she is asleep when I get there (99.9% of the time…) I straighten up the room and water the flowers. I bring her hot chocolate or a coke, get the candy out and  make sure the Teddy Bear is there, that she is comfortable and positioned correctly in bed. This is something I have mentioned to Stacey several times and if Tina wants to emphasize too, it may help.

 

Jim actually noticed it first, that when she is in bed, her legs are often all twisted up on the wall side of the bed. It looks like they dump her out of her wheelchair into the bed and then don’t straighten out her legs. When I help her get settled, she is very squeamish about touching her feet, so I take her lower limb into my hand and stratighten out that way. The first time I did this, Mom said, “You are an angel.”

 

Instead of messing with her clothes and room, I spend all my time with her, stroking her arm, kissing her, telling her I love her. Many of our conversations simply boil down to this now. It really is sweet and touching and proves that nobody loves you like your mom. She always says, “You’re the only one who comes to see me, I’m so proud of you.” Then she moves on to how nice my teeth are and how curly my hair is. This is a sure-bet repeat each time. I actually carry a pair of halloween teeth around in my glasses case now, and put them in whenever she is going on and on about the teeth.  She hates them. I should get a wig…

 

More from Tina.

 

“Cher and I were talking about when mom dies and appropriate actions.  Cher thought we might all want to go to Kansas, but I told her that presumably, you would take care of disposition of mom’s body for donation – OR IF YOU ARE OUT OF TOWN, that Sunrise knows exactly what to do in your absence.  You have not sent me papers or contact number so YOU ARE THE LEAD FOR THIS unless you let us know otherwise.   RSVP

 

Then we have to get the room cleaned out.  If you are out of town or don’t want to deal with this, I can call 1800 got junk and they can swat team it.  you will be able to decide what you want if anything – Jamie ?

DPOA – please let us know how you see the above playing out – what you are willing to do – what you won’t …”

 

I will get the room cleaned out ASAP after Mom dies, if she ever does. For a while there, she was saying she was tired and “ready to go” but the last time I was there, she said again, “I’m not dying anytime soon.”

 

There is really nothing there worth keeping, the furniture can easily be sold or given away on Craigslist right from the room, probably so no extra transport required. Maybe some photos and personal items and the EMC pillows, if Tina wants them. I will keep the Teddy Bear, he is such a great companion for her and always makes me smile. Clothes can all go to Goodwill. Unless by the time she finally kicks, you guys are old enough to start wearing them. HA HA. Joke.

 

As far as going to St. Louis, any legal questions can probably be cleared up on the phone, and save the money spent on a trip to St. Louis, where Mom actually has no business anymore.  We have lots of great steakhouses in KC, much better than Outback, and the fact that Cherie was willing to come would be great. Like I told Tien, I think I am done with St. Louis for my lifetime except for a couple of friends there.

 

I do have the KU paperwork and Sunrise does too. I have not chosen a funeral home yet. At some point I did make some calls and found a fairly inexpensive service. In Kansas, it is different. KU will not come and pick up the body, like Wash U did. They have to be picked up by a funeral home, a death certificate issued and then they transport to the hospital or wherever the fuck they take them.

 

In conclusion:

“Wen and Cher – please let me know your thoughts on all this – it will be a surprise when she finally goes, but at least we will have a plan and know how the 3 of us will go on.

 

I still love you both.  Its fun to be in frequent touch with Cher. Wen – I miss being in touch with you.”

 

I did respond to Tina’s email but haven’t heard anything back. This closing is interesting, seeing how events have unfolded with Tina during all this. Maybe if you miss being in touch, you might want to think about the events leading up to why we’re not in very close touch anymore. And your part in that.

 

Anyway, I agree that at least we talked and I will keep trying to touch base with you both when I visit. We call Sally once in a while and Mary Hancock. There really a’int a whole lot left. I left you both messages when I saw her for Christmas.

 

Tomorrow is my day to go again, so will try to do better on the updating.

 

 

Gratuitous Unrelated Photo

I saw Mom yesterday and talked to Tina afterward. More on that later, but for now, a photo of me with Astrid, the miracle kitty who has survived AGAIN!

Who knows how many of her lives she has used up? I know of at least three or four so far. After a very grim and expensive few weeks in October, she has completely regained her fluffy self and is bigger and badder than ever.

Meanwhile, Jim is going gangbusters on the bus with a bunch of new additions and more to come. See new improvements here.

A Christmas Story

Another Christmas and end of year completed here in Kansas with the Oldest Old.  We celebrated (?) with Mom and she was happy and grateful that we were there. She kept saying, “Is today Christmas?” Yes, Mom.

Tina had sent the earrings as an early gift since one of her old ones went missing. She opened them and I helped her put them on. The candy Cherie sent was a big hit and she immediately went for a caramel. We also gave her some Reeses pieces, which she loves and some other candy. I got her some socks and slippers. She isn’t wearing her shoes anymore on the very rare occasion when she is up and in her wheelchair. They are too tight and her feet hurt, so I got these so she could at least cover her feet. She really doesn’t care if she has shoes on or not anymore. I also got her some reading glasses since she had told me earlier that she missed reading. Guess she’s too busy sleeping…

We also took her one of her new favorite treats, a Starbucks Venti Hot Chocolate extra hot double cupped. She LOVES them and it sets me back about $4 every time I bring her one, but it’s worth it and she always drinks the whole thing.

As usual, she said she was going to take care of Christmas “later” but I reminded her for the four millionth time that she and Dad made our Christmases so special that the memories last a lifetime.

We called Mary Hancock and spoke with her. Apparently Mary told Mom that she couldn’t walk anymore and Mom was asking her, “Why, Mary?” Like she was up and running about all day long. We also called Sally and left messages for both Tina and Cherie. Then we called Olive since I knew she had gone home at that point. We didn’t get her, so I called Lana and found out that she was back in the hospital. We talked for quite a while, and I warned about the dangers of putting them in assisted living (i.e. LIVE FOREVER) and she agreed, being a nurse and all.

I guess once they moved Olive into assisted living, she lasted three days until she had her stroke. She went out by the Uncle Fred model.

Sigh.

More photos here; remember you have to be signed in to see. Doesn’t look like much traffic going on, maybe I will dispense with the photos…

And So It Ends…

Olive has passed away after a lovely harp concert with her family gathered around her.

What a bag of mixed emotions; she’s free, thank God. Her family will be fine. They have been through a lot lately.

RIP Aunt Olive.

Winning!

This will be brief because I have a ton of work to do.

Looks like Mom will best Aunt Olive soon. She has spent four of the last six weeks in the hospital, had a heart attack, got moved to assisted living and after three days there, had a stroke and is back in the hospital.

Last time Mom and I were discussing her birthday coming up she turned her head away and said, “Ninety five is too many birthdays.”

End of Year Report Coming Soon

I have been to Mom a bunch of times lately and have some photos even. But meanwhile, I’ve been busy dealing with my dead laptop, reformatting the drive and reinstalling everything just to get back to where I was.

SO FUN. More soon.

Disembodied Talking Head

It’s like that is what she has turned into. Usually when we visit, she is in bed, under the covers with God knows what going on under there. Sometimes I help her rearrange her legs, but I really don’t want to go there.

Yesterday, she was dead asleep when I got there, so I did the usual. Straightened up the room, checked for the Teddy Bear and EMC pillows, watered the poinsettia I took her last week. When I finally woke her up, we had a very interesting conversation.

Mom: Did the boys come home yet? (This seems to be a recurring theme…)

Me: What boys? Where did they go?

Mom: With Linc, out to the country.

Me: Oh. How many of them?

Mom: About 15 or 20.

Me: Wow! Are they hunting or what?

Mom: I’m never taking this kind of vacation again. I need you to find out if they are coming back soon. I’m worried.

So I excused myself to see if there was a message and got myself a glass of wine at the same time. Unfortunately there wasn’t any food and I was starving, having eaten only a grapefruit so far. Upon my return:

Me: The guys left a message and they said they will be back later today. They will come and see you when they get back.

Mom: Oh good.

I told her Olive had had a heart attack and she was very interested in that. Of course, she didn’t die. FAIL. Then later Mom mentioned to me that Olive had had a heart attack and said, “My mother is up there with her now.” Her mother has been pretty busy for a dead person, visiting here recently as well.

She mentioned for the 4000th time that she feels like an orphan there. I remember her saying that at her house too, and I reminded her of that. I told her we did what we could and she was very grateful, as always. She asked me if when she was ready to “go home” if I would take her there. Then she said, Of course, I don’t have a house anymore.

I told her that if she made the arrangements, I would provide the transportation. She mentioned that all her friends there at Sunrise have died (true) and it’s really hard to have a conversation with the ones who are left. Yeah, because they’re simultaneously sleeping, drooling and pooping in their pants. Talk about multi-tasking.

We talked about dying, and for the first time, she actually seemed to think it was going to happen. Usually she says, “Well, I’m not dying anytime soon!” We talked about Oohna, who just turned 101. I told Mom I had absolutely no interest in getting that old. Then she said, well if you can get around, there’s nothing wrong with being old. Yeah IF ONLY. I mentioned the night Fred died and the conversation I had with him. He said he wasn’t scared and was ready to go. Mom said she wasn’t afraid and added

“I want to see my husband.”

 

Last Thanksgiving and Counting Down

Just pulled out all the stops for our last Thanksgiving weekend in this house with good friends.

Too bad my in-laws never accepted an invitation in all that time (16 years!)…  And they were invited repeatedly. When we told our friends we had dinner with last night that the in-laws had been invited over and over again, begged even, and never accepted, they were incredulous. Couldn’t believe it.

Obviously I am having a hard time believing it too. Sad, but true.

Oh well. Moving on.