Disembodied Talking Head

It’s like that is what she has turned into. Usually when we visit, she is in bed, under the covers with God knows what going on under there. Sometimes I help her rearrange her legs, but I really don’t want to go there.

Yesterday, she was dead asleep when I got there, so I did the usual. Straightened up the room, checked for the Teddy Bear and EMC pillows, watered the poinsettia I took her last week. When I finally woke her up, we had a very interesting conversation.

Mom: Did the boys come home yet? (This seems to be a recurring theme…)

Me: What boys? Where did they go?

Mom: With Linc, out to the country.

Me: Oh. How many of them?

Mom: About 15 or 20.

Me: Wow! Are they hunting or what?

Mom: I’m never taking this kind of vacation again. I need you to find out if they are coming back soon. I’m worried.

So I excused myself to see if there was a message and got myself a glass of wine at the same time. Unfortunately there wasn’t any food and I was starving, having eaten only a grapefruit so far. Upon my return:

Me: The guys left a message and they said they will be back later today. They will come and see you when they get back.

Mom: Oh good.

I told her Olive had had a heart attack and she was very interested in that. Of course, she didn’t die. FAIL. Then later Mom mentioned to me that Olive had had a heart attack and said, “My mother is up there with her now.” Her mother has been pretty busy for a dead person, visiting here recently as well.

She mentioned for the 4000th time that she feels like an orphan there. I remember her saying that at her house too, and I reminded her of that. I told her we did what we could and she was very grateful, as always. She asked me if when she was ready to “go home” if I would take her there. Then she said, Of course, I don’t have a house anymore.

I told her that if she made the arrangements, I would provide the transportation. She mentioned that all her friends there at Sunrise have died (true) and it’s really hard to have a conversation with the ones who are left. Yeah, because they’re simultaneously sleeping, drooling and pooping in their pants. Talk about multi-tasking.

We talked about dying, and for the first time, she actually seemed to think it was going to happen. Usually she says, “Well, I’m not dying anytime soon!” We talked about Oohna, who just turned 101. I told Mom I had absolutely no interest in getting that old. Then she said, well if you can get around, there’s nothing wrong with being old. Yeah IF ONLY. I mentioned the night Fred died and the conversation I had with him. He said he wasn’t scared and was ready to go. Mom said she wasn’t afraid and added

“I want to see my husband.”

 

Last Thanksgiving and Counting Down

Just pulled out all the stops for our last Thanksgiving weekend in this house with good friends.

Too bad my in-laws never accepted an invitation in all that time (16 years!)…  And they were invited repeatedly. When we told our friends we had dinner with last night that the in-laws had been invited over and over again, begged even, and never accepted, they were incredulous. Couldn’t believe it.

Obviously I am having a hard time believing it too. Sad, but true.

Oh well. Moving on.

Turkey Brine Time

Tuesday is the day the turkey will go into the brine. For a super fabulous tender and juicy turkey, try this. It’s easy and delicious.

Combine in large pot on stove:

1 head garlic, cloves separated and crushed
2 cups Kosher salt
2+ cups brown sugar
10 grams (one small container) Thyme
5 grams Rosemary
6 Bay leaves, crushed
Zest, pulp and juice of one orange
Cut the orange into pieces and add to mixture
8 Allspice berries, crushed
8 Juniper berries, crushed
8 Cloves, crushed
2 T. black peppercorns, crushed
1 cup fresh orange juice

Mix well.
Add 3/4 gallon of water, bring to boil.

To a clean, 5 gallon bucket, add 2+ gallons water
Add heated mixture to 5 gallon bucket, stir well.

Rinse the turkey (16.5 lb) and remove the neck and bags of organs.
Immerse turkey into bucket, making sure all cavities fill with brine mixture.

Place bucket in garage or other cold area.

I usually brine for 24 hours. Last year I got an early start and am brining for about 48 hours for extra delicious flavor . It did not disappoint. The meat is extra tender and juicy and bursting with flavor.

Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude*

 

 

 

 

 

 

More photos on Flickr. The last round is there too…

I went to the Sunrise dinner last night. Mom was having cocktails in the big room when I got there so I stashed my stuff in her room, and, after checking to make sure all in order, we went downstairs. They had thoughtfully reserved our favorite table right across from the bar. Better people watching that way.

We were a little early but I have learned that if you get there early and get situated, you can be early in line. This facilitates the fact that I have to get both of our plates from the buffet, of course. I have also learned from car shows that people often show up for a meal ahead of time. We’ve been to car show barbecues where it was supposed to begin at 5:30, say. We got there at 5:25 and some people were already finished eating! Some of the food items had already all been eaten. Mostly by big fat people.

But I digress.

Dinner was actually very good. They had a great salad that I ate a ton of, turkey was moist, green beans were good. Mashed potatoes were a little too much like the kind out of the box, but they had gravy. Mom said she wasn’t hungry, but once I brought her plate, she ate it all and had a little more. She also finished off a piece of pecan pie with ice cream. Every bite.

I told her I was very thankful for her and she said, “Well, I am VERY thankful for you.” Then she told me what nice teeth I have. She does that A LOT. Like ten times every time I see her.

Stacey was there, of course, and introduced herself and thanked everybody for coming. She visited with us for quite a while. By the time she came to the table, Mom and I had both remarked on the fact that there was plastic silverware. GAH! It was gold and matched the napkins, but still.  Can you say tacky? Not to mention hard to eat with. When Stacey asked how everything was, we said “Delicious!” Then I said, “But Stacey, plastic silverware?” She said, “I know. We were trying to decide and we liked the way the color went with the tables.” Then she offered to get us normal silverware. I said, no, we werre managing fine. Just for future reference. I have told her on the phone that I will be totally straightforward with her and she appreciates that. Mom mentioned the plastic silverware several more times and I ended up cutting her meat for her. At least there was a plastic knife.

Of course after dinner, Mom said she had to go to the bathroom. We went upstairs and talked for a little while. Then I summoned the troops and headed out. Her Care Manager disappeared on an emergency, as they phrased it, a “real emergency.” On the way out, I said goodbye to Stacey and mentioned that Mom had to go and no helpers were around, she said she would take care of it.

When I drove past the building I could see shadows of people in her room helping her out of her chair. Go Stacey.

*From some music in Yoga that has become my go-to mantra…

Four Years and Counting: November 15

In case you can’t remember all the fun it was…

Going tonight for the Thanksgiving meal. I remember the night I got her there, I couldn’t WAIT to leave and get home. Then it turned out that it was the Thanksgiving Dinner that night and figured I better stay.

Happy 21st

Happy Anniversary Albert and Tina! I know it’s the 10th, sorry to be late. We have had company from out of town this weekend.

This is from the Christmas cruise in 1997? Going through a bunch of old photos. I also have one of me with Miss America.

Last Nice Day Forever Put to Good Use

  More photos here.
Tuesday is my usual day to visit Mom. With yoga at noon, the rest of the day is pretty much shot, so it’s a good time to see her. Plus it is a Happy Hour day. Very important.

The last few days here have been gorgeous. Breezy, yes, but delightfully warm and colorful. I have been riding about 15 miles a day so headed over about 1:30 PM. Happy Hour starts at 3 so planned to get a few extra miles in. Sounds like I’m obsessed with Happy Hour, doesn’t it? They DO have food, and by the time I’ve gone to class and ridden 8 miles, I’m ready to eat something. Except yesterday it was fried okra, cold and awful, so we fed it to the dog. The dog loves us.

I called over on the way to see if they would see if she wanted to get up, dressed and bathroomed and maybe go downstairs and outside. The new temporary RC, Joshua, was there and I asked him. Not sure he actually understood me, because he said, “I had them put her to bed 15 or 20 minutes ago so I could check her skin. So she is in bed.” Like he wasn’t going to go to the trouble of getting her up again. He wanted to put me on hold while he went and asked Mom, but I said, no, I’m coming anyway so I’ll just see. When I got there, he was nowhere in sight and Mom was dumped in the bed again. I have talked to Stacey about this a couple of times. I don’t know if Mom gets herself in that position or what.

When she woke up, she said she was comfortable, so we had our visit. She is always so grateful; “thank you for coming, you’re sweet to come…” She said again that it is the lonesomest place on earth. I always feel bad then and tell her I do what I can to not have her be so lonely. Then I said, at least you can sleep alot. That’s good entertainment. She agreed.

Later she asked, “When I get ready to go home, where will I go?” I said, “well what are your options?” She said again how she wished she could have that lady who came out before. Every previous time, I have thought she meant to take care of her but yesterday she said that it was when Dunc was sick. So one of the hospice people. Mom said they cooked, cleaned, everything. Dubious…

I said, “Maybe you can just go home to Jesus” and pointed upward. She laughed and said “I’m not afraid to die. My only fear is one Dad had too, becoming totally helpless.” I should have asked her to rate on a scale of one to ten how helpless she is, 10 being most helpless and 1 being least. Jesus.

On the way home, I rode against a direct headwind the whole way. Kind of lowered the Average Miles per Hour. Still thankful I can do it. 19 total miles.

Today it is raining, or trying to. It hasn’t rained in so long it forgot how. Then snow tonight. Yippee!

Family Photo & History

Our cousin, Jim Berrie sent me this to show Mom. He wrote, “I found this photo of my grandparents, Herb and Sadie Nelson, and thought I’d share it with you. It was taken at Aunt Carol’s wedding in 1951. Check out the vintage ’40s limo in the background!  Maybe your mom would like to see it if she’s still well enough.”

I told him I would put it on the digital frame and show Mom. He gave me a little more history, more than I ever knew…

“Just to review: Our common great-great grandparents were James and Mary Cannon Nelson, who came over from Scotland in the late 1840s.

Two of their children were my great-grandfather, James Andrew Nelson, and your great-grandmother, Martha Louise Nelson Miller

 

Our grandfathers, Herbert Nelson and Oliver Walker Miller, were first cousins

 

Our mothers were second cousins, making us third cousins.”

 

Thanks, Jim.